I was on facebook one day and added this guy because I liked his posts. One day he posted on pornography and I really had to talk to him so I inboxed him this letter... (first this is his video that he made and then my letter)
Hi Ryan,
I really appreciate your topic on pornography.
My story is on the other side of things and please forgive my english.
I left my husband & family in 1997 when I got a phone call from my mom in Fresno that something was terribly wrong with her health and she was scared. I arrived in CA for my moms emergency hysterectomy when they found her full of cancer, Stage 3c ovarian. I was staying w/my brother (8 yr Marine & 25 yrs w/the IRS) and his wife and her brother. I had never been with an african american and decided to commit adultry. I immediately told my husband and he sent the divorce papers in the mail. I knew I couldnt take care of my 3 young daughters and let him keep them.
Not knowing how to make a living that would allow me to be with my mom during her chemo treatments, I met a young 21 yr old african american at the plasma center. I started buying $5 bags of marijuana and got the nickname 'nickel sack'. I was really becoming depressed. One day I remembered the movie Pretty Woman and asked this young boy if he knew how I could get into prostitution, I needed money very badly. To make a long story short, I was taken to Motel Drive in Fresno, kept in a room at gun point, high on crack, while many men came in and out of the room for sex. I remember crying at a pay phone later trying to describe to my family where I was but I was totally lost. I only remember bits and pieces of the 8 years I worked in prostitution, it was a real Hell for me. Sometime later, i was taken to Los Angeles and gang raped 5 times in a row on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood. The young 21 yr old I met at the plasma belonged to the gang East Side 5 Line Bounty Hunter Bloods. His family had been pimping and hoeing for many generations, his mom, grandparents, etc it was all a way of life for them. After working track 1 year (standing on street corners and jumping in and out of rides) I moved to Las Vegas where I worked for Caesars Palace as a call girl. That lasted about 4 months because I was terrified for my life after witnessing a brutal murder.
I really appreciate your topic on pornography.
My story is on the other side of things and please forgive my english.
I left my husband & family in 1997 when I got a phone call from my mom in Fresno that something was terribly wrong with her health and she was scared. I arrived in CA for my moms emergency hysterectomy when they found her full of cancer, Stage 3c ovarian. I was staying w/my brother (8 yr Marine & 25 yrs w/the IRS) and his wife and her brother. I had never been with an african american and decided to commit adultry. I immediately told my husband and he sent the divorce papers in the mail. I knew I couldnt take care of my 3 young daughters and let him keep them.
Not knowing how to make a living that would allow me to be with my mom during her chemo treatments, I met a young 21 yr old african american at the plasma center. I started buying $5 bags of marijuana and got the nickname 'nickel sack'. I was really becoming depressed. One day I remembered the movie Pretty Woman and asked this young boy if he knew how I could get into prostitution, I needed money very badly. To make a long story short, I was taken to Motel Drive in Fresno, kept in a room at gun point, high on crack, while many men came in and out of the room for sex. I remember crying at a pay phone later trying to describe to my family where I was but I was totally lost. I only remember bits and pieces of the 8 years I worked in prostitution, it was a real Hell for me. Sometime later, i was taken to Los Angeles and gang raped 5 times in a row on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood. The young 21 yr old I met at the plasma belonged to the gang East Side 5 Line Bounty Hunter Bloods. His family had been pimping and hoeing for many generations, his mom, grandparents, etc it was all a way of life for them. After working track 1 year (standing on street corners and jumping in and out of rides) I moved to Las Vegas where I worked for Caesars Palace as a call girl. That lasted about 4 months because I was terrified for my life after witnessing a brutal murder.
I moved back and forth from Fresno to Utah county continuously over a period of 8 years. My mom died in 2004 and I stopped prostituting in 2005 but was still sexually active but not selling my body for money. (which all still feels just the same, its all bad). In about 2006, my gma had just died and one day while I was sitting at my best friends house alone, my gma and mom came to visit me (gma hadnt been buried yet). I can't really explain the visitation because I didnt see them face to face but their presence was very real. They told me that I needed to make a choice and change my life or my life will be spent in misery. They said that the Catholic church was a great choice to follow but it wasnt going to get me to the top and that if I wanted to live with God,, I needed to go back to the LDS faith and live the commandments. (I wish I had a better english to explain something so important as this). IN 2008 I moved to Springville and became very good friends with the Bishop and Relief Society, I worked very hard becoming a member again after being disfellowshipped. In 2010 my dad
was dying of tongue cancer so I decided I wanted to go through the Manti Temple so maybe my mom would visit me and I could be close to Heaven when my dad died. I went through the Temple a week or 2 before he died. The night my dad passed, he was in Price and I was in SpVille, I had been with him all day while his body was shutting down. They said to leave because we were the reason he was hanging on. That night my dad rushed in my room to see if I was ok than rushed off to the other kids (he was already dead) but its the hardest thing to describe but I know it was real. A few days after dad died I became very sick with skitsofrenia and was hospitalized. I visited the Temples a few more times but some where along the way I fell away from the church. I started having sex again with different men but not selling myself but using them to get gifts or to eat a good meal. I understand addiction.
I moved back from Fresno 2 week ago to a place in Orem, I spoke to the Bishop and told him what I had done and he is helping me through the repentance process. Im not sure if I will be disfellowshipped again or excommunicated, I feel extremely sad and lost. 99% of the men I dated while I was prostituting were married men, I convinced myself that I was giving these men love that they couldnt find anywhere else, I didnt realize I was a home wrecker. The first time I got disfellowshipped, part of my restitution was to help girls get out of prostitution but that has been to difficult to accomplish because I am not strong enough to be a leader. I wish I could do a live video like you and show it to everyone that could use the help. I told you this story because I understand pornography and it is a terrible addiction. Thank you for your time and listening.
TammieI waited for Ryans reply, he inboxed me on facebook & said I might face adversity & alot of people might judge me but that my experience will help a lot of people. He did post this video on his wall 2 days later and I cried my eyes out!
I might lose alot of friends posting this story about my life, my only hope is to stay strong. Every day is a struggle, it is so easy to turn to temptations but knowing that God is there with me and that Jesus Christ overcame makes my life a lil more bearable.
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